Friday, September 30, 2011

Mothering Skills

[While working at Target as a cashier, a mother comes up with her young son in the cart crying over some toys]

Mother: [to son] Don't worry, he just has to scan them and you'll get them right back. [she hands me the toys and says] He thinks he's getting these, but he's not, get rid of them.

[she continues to reassure her son that he would get the toys back until leaving the register]

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

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Angela: [her thoughts on Dr. Wham] "It doesnt taste like Dr. Pepper. It's like a Cream Soda that wants to be a Dr Pepper. It's like a wigger!!"

Michele's mom: "There are really weird people in band, and so are parents."

Spencer: [telling jokes] "Susan walks into a bar...and says 'Ow.'"

[Kelly and Susan talking about how they like Michele's mom]

Susan: "Your mom's funny."

Michele: "My mom has to be funny, she likes people. I don't have to be funny because I hate them."

Monday, November 1, 2010

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[After circling the mall for about twenty minutes]

Spencer: "Are we actually going to go inside the mall?"

[Spencer walks to the front of the bus and comes back]

Spencer: "I'm crop dusting."

Michele's mom: "Did you see that strange girl dancing the same dance for every song?"

Wendy: "What, the lesbian?"

[In the hotel in St. Louis, Heather Carter is prank calling other band kids' rooms]

Heather C.: [attempting to disguise her voice by making it high and southern] "Hi! Are you naked? Is Spencer there? Is he naked? How about Kelley, is he naked? Are you naked together?"

Susan: [snatches the phone] "Hey Brandon [Olson], how are you? So, nudity, positive or negative? Are you guys naked or not?" [asking other girls sitting around the phone] "Do we want them to be naked?" [answering back into phone] "Yes."

Nick Morris: "Where's your man, Haley?"

Haley: "Which one?"

Nick: "The hair one."

Haley: "I don't have a man that isn't hairy."

Friday, October 29, 2010

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[Mr. Black is trying to explain how drum major try-outs will work but keeps confusing himself]

Mr. Black: "We'll have at least one drum major, and definitely probably maybe two, and..wait.."

Mr. Cothran: [making fun of him] "We're going to have one drum major for every yard line. So there'll be 100 drum majors and three people marching."

Stephen J: "It's inappropriate to be naked."

Heather C.: "Well, how do you feel in the shower?"

Stephen J: "Pretty darn sexy."

Heather C.: "It's beautiful outside!!! I can feel the trees mating!!"

[Wendy is telling Mr. Cothran about a trip to Gatlinburg that she will be taking]

Wendy: "...and I'm going with Heather C and Emily. We're gonna room together and stay up all night and.."

Mr. Cothran: [in a high pitched girly voice] "OH BOY!!"

[Heather C and Wendy are talking about some law passed recently]

Wendy: "What state was it in again?"

Heather C.: "One of those Northern states, like New Jersey, or New Hamshire, or New Zealand..."

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Archived from

[Mr.Cothran was looking through a book about composers with Josh, Nick, and Wendy]

Mr. Cothran: "Ever heard of Charles Ives?"

Josh Nick and Wendy: "No, who is he?"

Mr. Cothran: "A crackhead."

[Later, he turns to the section on John Philip Sousa]

Mr. Cothran: "Sousa was a crackhead too."

Michele: [beats on stomach] "It jiggles!"

Wendy: "Why does Michele need a whip?"

Josh: "We were gonna take a picture of her whipping something with my hat on."

Michele: "If only CJ were here."

Mr. Black: [is shaking the stereo system] "Why won't you work?!"

Josh: " it turned on?"

Mr. Black: [turns it on] "Oh...that works!"

Michele: "I don't need a boyfriend, I have Susan."

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